


Deserving Happiness

by Aethelia



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Car Accidents, Dark themes maybe, Endgame Minewt, Hallucinations, Happy Ending maybe, M/M, Mentioned Newtmas, Not Rated Yet, Onesided Love, rating could go up, slight depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6056574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aethelia/pseuds/Aethelia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They don't talk about it, and they try to act like everything is okay. </p>
<p>But Minho isolates his heart - and despite being in love with his best friend, he tried to distance himself more. Whereas in the past Newt would have talked his ear off for developing a bloody conscience, he was now too occupied with Tommy to notice. </p>
<p>Minho had sworn that he would never bring Newt pain again, and he wasn't going to break that promise now, even if it meant breaking his own heart in the process. </p>
<p>In other words, High School AU! where Minho is the reason behind Newt's leg, and because he doesn't believe himself capable of bringing Newt happiness, debates with himself on whether he should step aside for Thomas or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just gonna be nice and tell you now. Despite all the Newtmas moments I'll write in here, the endgame is MINEWT.  
> There, I've warned you.
> 
> Disclaimer: Trust me, I'd love to own this series and these characters and all that, but I don't.  
> Unbeta-ed; read, enjoy, leave kudos, review?

They don’t talk about it. 

 

Not about fight they had, not about Minho going all drama queen again, and certainly not how he ignored Newt’s face and rushed off. 

 

They don’t ever mention that the one who should have been injured was him. His dream that should have been taken away. 

 

Instead, people ask, Newt shrugs his shoulder and answers, “it was just a car accident.”

 

And every time Minho wins another medal, he tries to ignore the pang in his heart, and slows down his pace to match Newt’s as they walk side by side to the celebratory  parties. 

 

After the accident, the first time Newt actually yelled at Minho was in the hospital, but it had nothing to do with legs or injuries. Instead, it had everything to do with guilt and avoidance. All Newt needed was his best friend by his side, not a _sudden bloody conscience._

 

**Minho still found a way to distance himself. He was never the same again.**

They remained best friends, but there was a wall between Minho and the world. He was social without being social, knew everyone without being friends with them. The only person he’d ever let in through his walls was Newt. Only the blond haired boy had the right to tear down his walls and step over his heart. He knew what that dream had meant to Newt. Remembered their promise. It didn’t shucking matter what Minho’s facade told others; every time he saw Newt, he wanted to cry and beg for forgiveness all over again. 

 

It used to be because of the accident. Minho didn’t know when it changed. He used to avoid Newt’s eyes because of the limp. But now, it was because he longed and loved him. When he finally understood his heart, he wanted to cry - there was no way Newt would ever accept him. Why would he? Minho wasn’t just the friend who ruined his leg; he was also the friend who abandoned Newt when Newt needed him the most. No matter what he did, there wasn’t much that could be done to make up for it.

 

So he tried, really tried, to not say anything when Newt started to smile more, when he got animated when talking. His eyes would light up, and the crinkles showed up, and Minho had to hold his breath as Newt talked all about _Tommy_. 

 

This time when Minho started to distance himself again, Newt didn’t even seem to notice. Minho didn’t know whether he should feel relieved or depressed. He knew he had no right. Finally, Newt was walking out of the storm; finally he was starting to be happy again. If Minho wasn’t the reason behind that, there was nothing left for him to do other than to step aside. 

 

When _Newtmas_ , as Theresa had lovingly dubbed them, finally got together, all Minho could manage was a weak smile and a quiet “Congratulations.” He wasn’t really surprised when the intervals between calls with Newt started to get longer, when weekends with Newt started to become weekends alone, and when his mom asked him how Newt was, all Minho could say was crap about how Newt was doing fine. 

 

Newt didn’t need him. He had Tommy’s friends, had Tommy - there was no place in his heart for Minho.

_That’s good_ , Minho thought, _maybe they’ll be able to heal Newt._

He ignores the small voice in his head who asks, _What about you?_

 

Minho gets used to driving out for lunch alone on the days when he doesn’t eat with the rest of the team. Get’s used to not seeing Newt’s face by his locker, and hiding himself whenever he sights Newt. 

 

Newtmas had become the Golden Couple of the school. Thomas was good for Newt, and everyone else agreed. Minho was just the lone puzzle piece who had been so roughly treated that he no longer fitted anywhere. 

 

It’s been a while since Newt had talked to him. He didn’t try to seek Minho out, nor did he chase after Minho when he avoided the tall lanky boy. Perhaps he too, had needed healing through distance. But when the first thing Newt brings up is hanging out with Tommy so the “best friend” can get to know the boyfriend more, Minho frantically searches for a reason to decline. 

 

“There’s another meet soon,” he tried to sound regretful, “so I’m gonna be busy these shucking’ weeks for training.”

 

“How come you didn’t tell me about it?” _Because you should be the one running, and we both know it._

 

“Sorry, just had too much klunk lately,” he grabs the things needed for the next class and quickly walks away. Newt stares, and wonders who the stranger disappearing into the distance was.

 

The next time Minho saw Newt again was at a typical Friday night high school party. Blasted music, alcoholic drinks, and barely-dressed people. Minho was only on his 5th cup when he witnessed Thomas pressing Newt against the wall, both of them too engrossed in making out to take notice of anything else. 

 

Their relationship had never seemed as real to him as it did in that moment. He saw the light in Newt’s eyes, heard the talk about the two, and had even seem them on dates. But this intimacy was a first for his eyes, and suddenly it felt like his heart was breaking again. His lungs were on fire, and it had nothing to do with the liquor he just downed. 

 

He needed to get away. He had never felt this strong of a need to walk away, not since the accident. If he hadn’t been drinking, maybe he would have realized the similarities. Would have been more careful, and maybe more rational. But he walked away, out the front door, and onto the streets. 

 

No, this wasn’t a Hollywood movie. Newt wasn’t secretly in love with him, nor did he even notice Minho’s presence at the party. There was no voice shouting after him, telling him “I like you too, slinthead!” 

 

There was only Minho, slightly tipsy, walking on the road alone. This time, he did see the car coming. And this time, he wasn’t afraid. Let it come; whatever the consequences would be, it was only a few years too late. He deserved the pain that would surely come out of it, and he was too tired to even try and escape. So he stood there and watched as the light turned to dark. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minho immediately regretted his words, and let out a sob. He ignored everything that was physically aching, and tried to soothe the pain in his heart by reaching his hands out.
> 
> Please come back, I didn't mean it. Don't go back to him, Newt, come back to me.
> 
> Newt, Newt, Newt; the words became his mantra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try doing weekly (or maybe fortnightly) updates every Sunday. 
> 
> Disclaimer again: I do not own any of these precious specimens, and if I did I'd probably be dreaming. 
> 
> Read, enjoy, leave kudos and reviews?

Minho wakes up with no one else in the room. He feels nothing - and he’s not sure whether the lack of pain is reliving or not. He exhales loudly, the sound echoing in the empty room, before swallowing his saliva and closing his eyes again. 

He had really hoped he wouldn’t have to wake up again. 

There’s rustling at his side of the bed, and he blinks his eyes open again, turning his head slightly to look. He didn’t hope for Newt; he wasn’t even sure Newt knew, or cared, about him being in the hospital. The sight of his mother’s pale face, however, is enough to make him feel guilty for the lack of motivation he has in life. 

It seemed like that was all he was good at, ruining other people’s lives and feeling guilty over it. He decides not to alert her of him waking up, knowing that his mother was in need of more sleep. 

He winces when he tries to sit up, and but he could tell that there was nothing seriously injured. To be thankful or not, that was the debated issue.

At the rousing of the bed sheets, his mother lifts her head and blinks the sleepiness away.  
  
"Minho!" her eyes are red, and he knew that she cried when he was unconscious. She quickly pressed the button alerting the doctors of his awakening, and started to ask him questions about how he was feeling.

"I'm okay, eomma*, just a little tired." he doesn't ask how long he's been out, nor does he ask about his injuries, or about Newt.

He currently lives in the state of oblivion, where time does not exist. It is a state he is content with, and one that he doesn't want reality to break.

_You're lucky the driver saw you and tried to brake,_ the doctors say. _Lucky that you're not seriously injured. Lucky that you'll be able to get out soon._

Luck, he thinks.

Luck that saved my life.

Luck that caged me in the depths of hell.

Luck, he scorns.

Newt visits a few days later. The doors quietly click shut, but he doesn't move from his position on the bed -curled up and facing the far away side of the walls, even as footsteps make their way in front of him. Fingers lightly comb through his hair, but despite the lack of words, the room wasn't fully silent. Different paces of breathing filled the air, Newt's calm and steady, Minho's fast and irregular.

_He came,_ and suddenly Minho's realized that tears were falling, and they followed the rules of gravity, running over the bridge of his nose and disappearing into the black field he called hair.  
  
He distantly remembered his request to his mother, asking her not to let anyone know of his accident. To be glad that she broke the promise or not, that was the second debated issue.

Newt, he missed.  
  
Newt, who he couldn't have.  
  
Newt, who he loved yet hated.  
  
Newt, he sees.

"Minho, darling, what's wrong?" Only two people called him that, and the accent made it very clear to him who it was.

"Why are you here, Newt?" Where's _Thomas_ , he soundlessly asked. 

"Minho -" the hand running through his hair stopped, and the warmth left him.

No, don't.  
  
"I love you," he said quietly, "I'm _in_ love with you, but I can't. I can't be so selfish -"

"Minho, what are you talking about?"  
  
"Thomas makes you so happy," he didn't want to see anything, so he closed his eyes. He only wanted to see darkness, see nothing, and certainly not the one who made his heart ache as if it had been injured during the accident.  
  
It was already hurting when everything was still _fine_. 

Newt let out a deep breath, and his voice was shaky when he spoke again. "Why didn't you say anything?"  
  
"How could I?" Minho turned, and imagined the ceiling patterns in his head. "I couldn't, not already when I owed you so much."  
  
He felt lips brushing against his forehead, and he desperately wanted to wipe the feeling away. This was wrong. It wasn't right; he didn't want Newt here anymore.

"Get out," Minho ordered, pleased when his voice didn't come out as a quiver. "Leave me alone Newt. Don't come back."

Another sigh, and then nothing. Footsteps head towards the door, and the quiet click informed him that Newt had left.

Minho immediately regretted his words, and let out a sob. He ignored everything that was physically aching, and tried to soothe the pain in his heart by reaching his hands out.

_Please come back, I didn't mean it. Don't go back to him Newt, come back to me._

He couldn't remember when he'd opened his eyes, but the next thing he saw was his mother, tears trailing down her face, arms around him, comforting him with the only way she knew how: consoling words that were surely lies, yet succeeded in pacifying him.

_Newt_ , the words were a mantra formed by his lips, sometimes mute, sometimes weak, but never audible enough for said boy to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *eomma is the Korean pronunciation for mom. 
> 
> The next chapter will be more in depth about Newt's visit sometime later.  
> Things might start getting a little dark - not sure if I'll have them end up in love or imprisoned from guilt.
> 
> Next chapter: Maybe Newtmas isn't really as in love as the public, and the two of them, believed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You stay beside me, and never leave me alone again.  
> Newt wanted to cry. How could he ask Minho to stay next to him if he himself was constantly running away?  
> How did the world get so shucked up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love you've given Deserving Happiness~
> 
> Disclaimer: Maybe I own this series in a parallel universe, but sadly not in this one.  
> Read, enjoy, leave kudos and reviews?

It's been a while since anyone has seen Minho. But despite his connections with all the groups in school, his absence wasn't widely felt. No teacher had brought it up, and there were no news of any sort of accident or event. His presence was silently taken away - and even Newt himself didn't notice until weeks later.

When he did, the first place he went to was Minho's third home, after his real home and Newt's home of course, the track. The location didn't really do anything to him anymore; it was a goal he once had, and a goal he could no longer achieve. 

It wasn't, contrary to Minho's belief, his best friend's fault.

Even though he had the limp, and even though he couldn't run anymore, if asked, Newt would choose to do the same again. 

He'd choose to save Minho at the expense of his leg. Always, no questions needed. 

Now wasn't the time for his self-reflection on the accident and hopeless dreams or saving friendships. Now was the time to figure out what was going on with Minho. He looked around for any available person to talk to, and once he failed to sight the coach, he headed to the runner who was closest to Minho. 

"Coach says there's been some family stuff going on, so Minho won't be in for a little while," Ben answered while he stretched, warming up before he started running.  

"Family stuff?" Why didn't anyone tell him about this? Minho didn't say anything, his mother di - 

_His mother._

"Thank you," he shouted over his shoulder as he hurried home. 

"Minho? Ah…" 

"Mum," as he had predicted, his mother wasn't good at lying. She avoided eye contact and was biting her lips. She knew something that she wasn't telling him, and Newt wanted to know what it was. 

She put down the laundry in her hand onto the bed, and turned around to face Newt. 

"Newton, there's something going on right now," Something going on right now? Of course he couldn't tell; that was obviously why he asked her in the first place. As if she could see his frustrations, she sighed, and placed her hands on his shoulders.

"I...can't really explain it to you. Why don't you go see Mrs. Park tomorrow? Maybe she'll be able to tell you more." 

With those words in his mind, he absentmindedly rejected Tommy's invitation for "hanging out", only murmuring a "not today," before walking away. 

"Newt, hey, Newt!" His boyfriend quickly caught up to him and grabbed his wrist. "What's going on? Why are you busy today?" 

"Of course you wouldn't know," Newt muttered before speaking in a more audible tone, "I'm going over to Minho's."

"Why? I thought Wednesdays were _our_ special days…" No, Wednesday had been the day of his accident, and it'd been easier letting Thomas replace the bad memories with the good ones.

"Minho hasn't been in school lately, I'm heading over to check on him."

"Hey," Thomas brightened up, "can I come over too?"

"No Tommy," Newt still remembered Minho's reaction to his request for the three to hangout. He'd used the meet as an excuse, but Newt knew the boy like no other; he was trying to avoid it. Avoid what? Avoid Thomas, him, or Thomas and him? Regardless, Newt was sure of one thing:  it wouldn't fare well if Thomas was also present. 

"But…" normally, Newt would have fell for the puppy dog eyes, and there was no way he would have said no to Tommy's adorable pout, but today he was a man on a mission, and he wasn't going to rest before he found out what was going on with Minho. Minho, his -

What _was_ Minho to him?

Before the accident, Newt would have confidently proclaimed that Minho was his best friend in the whole world, and nothing would ever come between the two of them.

After the traumatizing event, things changed. Minho was ridden with guilt, Newt knew that, but at the time, he had been so focused on his recovery that he didn't really think about anything else.

Then Minho tried to become a good guy and abandoned him on the account that it was 

_ "Better if I left you alone!" Minho screamed at Newt from the doorway, tears not yet falling, but eyes already red.  _

_ Newt remained frozen on the bed, finger still pointing accusingly at the Asian. _

_ "What," he laughed, "that's a load of klunk Min, you're my best friend!"  _

_ "I'm the reason behind that leg, Newt. I'm to blame -" the rest of his words were muffled by his hands as he covered up the evidence of his pain and regret.  _

_ "Then you stay," Newt said firmly, "and 'pay the price' if that's what you want to call it. You stay beside me, and never leave me alone again."  _

Even after things got better, things were never better. Minho became distanced, became closed off, and it was like he lived without living. He treated Newt as if he was a fragile doll, and it became as if he remained purely because of guilt. 

_To pay the price,_ Newt recalled his words bitterly. 

So when Thomas came into his life, it was like a breath of fresh air from the smoke in his environment. He had been transported to an open field of wind and sun and light. With Thomas came Theresa, Brenda, Alby and more - suddenly he was on the top of the world. 

Like a man who was convinced that he was going to turn his life around, Newt shut Minho out. He knew what he was doing to his best friend, but the lack of any response from the runner told Newt that maybe this was for the best. 

He was so _stupid_. How could he leave Minho in the dark world alone while he stepped into the light? How could he make Minho promise to never leave him when he's already replaced him with Thomas?

_He's already left you_ , a voice in his mind whispered, _Minho hasn't been here for a long time._

_It doesn't matter,_ he argued, only _he_ knew what was going on in Minho's head. Only he knew Minho the best. 

Even if they weren't best friends anymore, he was all Minho's got. 

Newt may have wandered over to the light side, but he was still coming back for Minho.

" _Thomas_ ," his lips were pulled into a tight line, and his other hand tried to pry the brunette's hands off of his wrist. 

At the sound of his full name from Newt's lips, Thomas instantly released Newt's wrists. You never messed around with Newt when he was like this. Thomas frowned, glaring at the floor before him. It seemed like Minho was still number one in Newt's heart. 

As if to further prove his thoughts, Newt walked away without doing what he'd have normally done - press a kiss to his cheeks, or at the very least, give his hand a reassuring squeeze. 

"Am I still not worth as much to you?" Thomas stared after his lanky boyfriend, silently cursing Minho and whatever "family problem" he had.

This boy who constantly pushed Newt away, this boy who didn't even bother telling Newt about his absence, _this boy_ was the one Newt still seemed to care about the most.

He failed to remember that weeks had already gone by since Minho hasn't been at school. 

"Newton," Mrs. Park looked tired, as if she hadn't slept for days. Her clothes looked like they had been spotted and thrown on, without any regards to fashion. _Totally different to the Mrs. Park he knew._

Newt knew that Mr. Park went on a lot of business trips, and so whenever he was home, the whole family would be in high spirits. That was why when he saw the polished leather shoes sitting by the entrance, he was further baffled by Mrs. Park's appearances. 

Family business…could it be that…

"Hi Mrs. Park, umm…" how did you ask someone who treated you like her own son whether she was going through divorce or not? 

"Would you like to come in?" Even in her current state, her smile was still warm and inviting, and Newt slipped off his shoes before stepping into the Park residence. 

It still looked exactly the same as when he last came, months ago. But warmth was missing; it didn't seem like a home, but more like a house. Newt suddenly felt terrible. How had he missed so much that he couldn't even support his friend through this horrible time? 

"Where's Minho?" Newt wasn't sure what he'd say when he saw him, but at least he could still provide Minho. 

Mrs. Park bit her lips, and the sigh that came out of her lips was one that usually came out of the despaired. Mr. Park walked into the living room looking just as unkempt as Mrs. Park did. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss onto her forehead. 

Not a divorce. So what was going on? Every drawn out moment became another rock pressing down on his heart, and his heart palpitated at the anxiety of the wait. 

"Do you want me to take him?" He quietly whispered, but the room was still Newt could hear every word of their hushed conversation. 

"You rest, I was going to head over anyways," she seemed to deflate into his arms, and Newt started to sink even more. The Parks were always more conservative in their affections, and even though they treated Newt as a member of the family, they were still extremely private in front of him.

His throat clogged up, and he merely nodded when Mrs. Park told him to follow her to the car. Suddenly the fact that she didn't even change before going outdoors wasn't important. 

There were a few alternatives running through his head. None of them were better than the other. 

His eyes recognized the way to the hospital, and he clutched at the seat beneath him. There were no words spoken, no radio being played, but the car was loud with emotion. He blanked out with his mind racing, but he immediately came back to reality as the car stopped before the hospital doors.

"Room 528," she softly whispered, like she would fall apart if she had to raise her tone by even a thin sheet paper's difference. 

Whatever she said next was blurred out by his brain; all he remembered was heading straight for the elevator doors and repeatedly pressing the buttons until the lift came. 

Hospital. The most important person in his life had been in the hospital, and it had taken him weeks to find out.

_ You stay beside me, and never leave me alone again. _

Newt wanted to cry. How could he ask Minho to stay next to him if he himself was constantly running away? 

_ How did the world get so shucked up?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait, what do you mean it's been weeks and Newt is _only ___just realizing Minho's disappearance?  
>  What do you mean he's _only ___just realized that Minho's in the hospital?  
>  What do you mean he's _only ___just now come to visit?  
>  WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?!?! Mwahahahaha. See you next week. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In his room, Minho stayed curled up, tears falling, oblivious to his surroundings. He didn't hear the door open and close again, didn't hear footsteps, didn't hear his mother's soothing voice. 
> 
> Just like all the previous times when he had told Newt about his feelings, Newt left him. He'd never be able to replace Tommy, what was he thinking? But at least before, Newt remained by his side. 
> 
> "I won't tell you to leave again," he promised to the air around him, but the light of his world didn't show up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last week on Deserving Happiness...nahh there's a button up there that says "previous chapter" if you really can't remember shit. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of these lovely characters in this story, I've tried (in my imagination), and I've failed. 
> 
> Read, enjoy, leave kudos and reviews?

The doorknob turns and he pushes the door open, but the sight before him wasn't one he expected. On the hospital bed was Minho curled up into a ball, eyes blank, staring at the wall before him.

There was another world in front of him; one that looked like it was a scene frozen in a movie. Newt mentally braced himself before stepping into the room, and unintentionally noted that it even _felt_ as if he had entered another realm.

The man lying on the hospital showed no sign that he had heard or noticed Newt's entrance. He was enclosed into his own bubble; one that had dark clouds looming around, and one that wasn't easily breakable.

"Eomma*, can I have some alone time?" When he finally spoke, his voice was tired, monotonous and void of any trace of life.

Newt stayed silent, closing the door behind him. This was a Minho he hadn't seen in a while; one he had hoped he'd never have to see again. This Minho brought him back to the time when he was wondering what a future without tracks would be like. A time when he himself had fallen into a dark hole, where his usual light didn't shine, and he couldn't find his way out.

Minho's guilt and self-consciousness hadn't brought any comfort - instead, it was like his avoidance was a shovel piling more dirt into the hole, burying him alive.

He took slow, deliberate steps towards the side of the bed where Minho couldn't see him, making sure his footsteps didn't echo in the chillingly quiet room.

His hand reached out unconsciously, naturally heading towards the once luxurious black mane that now, just like the rest of him, seemed dead.

"Min…" the word was let out; it was released along with all his worries, confusions, and longing.

At the sound of the silky honey-like voice whispering his name, Minho sighed, almost in relief, but also with indignation.

"You came back," the words were muttered so softly Newt wasn't sure he had heard correctly.

Newt didn't pay attention as he examined the other boy. He suddenly could not remember when the last time he'd seen Minho healthy and well was.

_Was it when I asked him to hang out with Tommy and me?_

When was the last time Minho had smiled and laughed? He couldn't remember anything, and that irked him. Bloody hell, had he been so caught up in Tommy that he forgot all about Minho?

_Yes, you have,_ his brain told him, _you wanted to be free, so you threw your chains onto Minho and escaped._

Minho never really liked swimming, and what had Newt done? Given Minho weights as he got onto a motherfucking motorboat. Left him alone to stay afloat, and to swim against the waves back to shore.

What was the shore? Happiness? True happiness? If so, they must be in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, where nothing surrounded them.

Newt had his fun on the cruise, where land had given him the pretense that he was happy, and but maybe it was time to go back to find the boy he left behind. Maybe the only way to find real, unshaken solid ground was with Minho.

In his selfish search for relief, he had enveloped both of them further with chains and locks. He could only hope that the key was still in his hands, and hadn't sunk to the ocean floor yet.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" He ignored the obvious reason why Minho couldn't, but knew that the Asian would know what he really meant.

_Why didn't you let someone inform me? Why didn't I know until now? Whywhywhywhy?_

Minho shut his eyes tightly, and covered his ears. _Why didn't you tell me earlier?_

It wouldn't have made a difference, would it? Things would still be the same, but not really. The thin string holding them together would have been cut cleanly in half, and Newt would have drifted away.

_"Just like I'm already drifting now?"_ Newt's voice was directly in his ear, and there was the presence of _something_ over his ears, but the lack of the tickling strands of loose hair made it clear what was going on.  
  
"Go away Newt, I already told you I didn't want you here," his voice was shaky, but still full of artificial confidence and assurance that anyone else would have bought. 

_Already?_ Newt's eyebrows burrowed into a frown. This was the second time Minho talked like Newt had already been here. When had he visited, and when did Minho tell him any of this?

"Minho, don't shut me out," the blonde's hands were hovering over the tanned hand that was covering his ears, but he snatched it away at the sound of Minho's whimpers.

"I've already let you in too much," he whispered brokenly, "you're taking over my heart, but I can't ever replace Tommy for you."  
  
"What in the shucking world are you talking about? What is this klunk you're sprouting?" Newt's voice was soothing; he knew he was facing a wounded animal, and any wrong step could lead to the explosion of a mine.

"I can't bring you happiness. My heart - nothing can heal you. All I can do for you," he chuckled bitterly, "is wish you and Thomas happiness. And I'm so selfish, I can't even do that."

_What was he saying?_

"Minho, do you - are… are you in love with me?"

  
"You already know I do," he keened lowly. The wound had been stabbed again in the place where it hurt the most, and he was now becoming defensive. 

"You alrea- get out," he breathed out, "just get out!" At times like this, the slowly rising wall blocked everything out except for the pain he felt. Minho didn't care for anything; he only wanted to stop feeling. The crash of the cup beside Minho's bedside table had Newt jumping back, his hand quickly reaching up to brush his hair back. He promptly backed up towards the door with his mind still turning at the things he had just heard.

The pained collision with the doorknob brought him out of his thoughts with a wince, and he turned away from Minho before hastily exiting the room. Those few minutes he'd spent in the room had somehow revealed more about Minho than all of the last few years they'd spent together had.

  
Mrs. Park was waiting outside, standing beside the entrance with her head lowered, and the movement of her hands told Newt that she was wiping away her tears.

Newt didn't know what to ask. He wasn't even sure what to think right now, his thoughts were all jumbled up in his brain.

His eyes lingered on the closed door, and he almost wanted to go back in again.

"He sometimes talked to me as if I was you," she paused before saying, and never looked up as she continued, "he told me so much about you and his guilt." She rummaged through her bag and pulled out a small device.

"After-after the first time, the doctors told us that it would be a good idea to record our visits," she held the recorder out, motioning for Newt to take it.

"I think…maybe you should take it."

Newt hesitated, but before he allowed curiosity to overtake him and accept the recorder, he asked the burning question in his mind.

"When?" He had to know; there was a masochist part of him that wanted to know just how long of a bad friend he'd been. He had made Minho sink under his burdens; it was only fair he added weight onto himself as well.

Mrs. Park stared at him for a little while before she answered, "it's been a few weeks."

A few weeks?

"Almost four now," she quietly added on, answering his unspoken question.

Almost four weeks. He hadn't heard from Minho, hadn't sought him out, and hadn't cared for four weeks. No- it wasn't just four weeks. It'd probably been even longer.

"What was it?" Newt suddenly felt so tired. Just when he'd thought he finally had a stabilizing factor in his life, it seemed like everything else was now spiraling out control.

"Car accident," she had a grim smile on her face as she thought about the coincidence.

"Car accident," he repeated to himself, not knowing what to think, before one question rose to the front of his mind.

  
"His leg?" What would he feel if Minho couldn't run anymore, just like him? Would he feel joy? 

"It's all fine." Sorrow. He would have felt sorrow, just as relief flooded through him in the knowledge that Minho's future was still intact.

"Can I visit again?" _Not that he would, but…_ as if she had read his thoughts, she smiled sadly and nodded.

"You're always welcome, Newt. I hope you aren't mad that we didn't tell you," she faltered a little, "but… surely you understand why." Her hand gently patted his cheeks, and without waiting for his reply, took a deep breath before walking into the room.

No, he didn't understand why.

Was it because it was also a car accident? Or was it because they knew that the relationship between the two had been deteriorating lately? Was it because they knew about Minho's hidden emotions? Endless questions ran through his mind, and he wished there was someone who could answer them all.

Still pondering over his thoughts, Newt started his way down the seemingly never-ending white hallways that although symbolized purity, represented hell to him.

In his room, Minho stayed curled up, tears falling, oblivious to his surroundings. He didn't hear the door open and close again, didn't hear footsteps, didn't hear his mother's soothing voice.

Just like all the previous times when he had told Newt about his feelings, Newt left him. He'd never be able to replace Tommy, what was he thinking? But at least before, Newt remained by his side.

And again, just like all the previous times when he told Newt to leave, he started to regret his words to Newt; regretted his orders for the blonde to leave. Hallucination or not, he'd rather have any form of Newt there with him than nothing.

"I won't tell you to leave again," he promised to the air around him, but the light of his world didn't show up again.

"Newt," he whimpered, "Newt -"

_We won't hurt you,_ a voice consoled him, _come here and forget._  

There was a tugging at his consciousness; a hand leading him through the complicated maze of his inner thoughts. His eyes started to focus on nothing, as if nothing would suddenly change into Newt. He slipped away from the present world, retreating into his mind until he found his safe place away that shut his brain off from any senses. On auto-pilot, he shut the door to his self-confinement, all done in self-defense, locked the door, and placed the key out of reach. He would no longer feel again for an unknown amount of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *eomma is the Korean pronunciation for mom
> 
> Dun dun dun…finally the real (?) Newt shows up!
> 
> Seems like we'll be hearing about Minho and Hallucination!Newt next. Keep in mind weeks has already gone by - and a lot of things can happen in that time.

**Author's Note:**

> This was partly inspired by a doujinshi Mintnewt showed me which can be found here: http://myreadingmanga.info/harada-hikizuru-oto-the-dragging-sound-eng/  
> (EXPLICIT WARNINGS) 
> 
> It won't get that dark, I think. Maybe. Who knows? When the author's a bit shucked up in her head, you can't really expect her work and characters to be normal haha.


End file.
